Episode 199: I Can't Be Your Hero, Baby

Even positive interactions can be ableist.

Transcript

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Laura 0:00

Has my secret identity been compromised?

Male VO 0:05

This is Bad Attitudes.

Laura 0:21

Hello, friends and strangers. Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes, an uninspiring podcast about disability. I'm your host, Laura.

Laura 0:32

This week's supporter shout-out goes to Ruky Saavedra. Thank you for your continuing support.

Laura 0:38

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Laura 0:50

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Laura 1:05

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Laura 1:23

As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am not the only voice.

Laura 1:39

Back to social media.

Laura 1:41

I came across a post from another disabled creator who recounted an experience she had on the street with the parent of a disabled child. The creator, the rolling explorer, explained that she was going down the street and passed a mother pushing her daughter in her wheelchair. The mom apologized for taking up so much space, which of course wasn't a big deal, and after they had passed, the mom called out, superhero, to the Rolling Explorer as she rolled away. The Rolling Explorer said in the post that she found this weird and ableist, and when she expressed that to her boyfriend, he didn't see what the big deal was.

Laura 2:18

The comments were predictably split. Most of the disabled commenters agreed with Rolling Explorer. I for one said that it would make me uncomfortable and was giving you're so inspirational vibes.

Laura 2:31

On the flip side, there were also many people defending the mom, saying that she was probably trying to show disability in a positive light for her daughter. While that may very well be the case, this is a pretty obvious case of well-intentioned but blatant ableism.

Laura 2:47

I imagine some of you hear this and wonder how it could be ableist. It's very clearly a positive interaction. It's a compliment. It can't be ableist if it's positive.

Laura 2:59

The thing about ableism and any other form of prejudice or bias is that it isn't always overtly negative or discriminatory. More often than not, it's subtle and not everyone picks up on it. But if you've been on the receiving end, you definitely pick up on it.

Laura 3:17

In the first place, why would you shout superhero at someone that isn't coming out of a burning building or wearing a cape? What is your goal exactly? To make a stranger feel better about themselves? Nowhere in this story did Rolling Explorer indicate that she was feeling any kind of way about herself or anything else. She was literally just existing. Is she a superhero for navigating her wheelchair past another wheelchair on a city sidewalk? For sure that requires some skill, but it hardly rises to the level of heroism.

Laura 3:53

Most likely this woman was thinking of how she wants people to view her daughter when she gets older. Not that she necessarily wants people shouting superhero at her daughter randomly, I hope. But that she wants people to see her daughter in a positive way, and she wants her daughter to view herself in a positive light.

Laura 4:13

Things we don't know, the age of the daughter or the daughter's disability. I mention that because A, there's a good chance the mom's actions embarrassed her daughter, and B, there were better ways to encourage her daughter to have a positive self-image.

Laura 4:28

If the daughter was a preteen or a teen, I can only imagine the level of cringe she felt at her mom shouting superhero to some stranger. I can practically hear the Mom because I would have felt the same way. Like, what are you doing, Mom? Please don't draw attention to yourself.

Laura 4:48

If the daughter was younger, and really even if she wasn't, there are better ways to help her have a positive self-image. All the mom had to do was lean down to her daughter and say, Hey, that woman uses a wheelchair like you do. Point out that she's living her life independently, quietly. You don't have to turn a stranger into a spectacle to have a teaching moment.

Laura 5:13

I have yet to meet a disabled person who enjoys this kind of attention. We aren't interested in being praised for simply existing. We aren't interested in being celebrated for leaving the house. We want to live our lives without it becoming fodder for your inspiration porn.

Laura 5:31

This behavior perpetuates negative stereotypes about disability. Stereotypes like it's surprising to see disabled people out in public. Tangent. The reason you might be surprised to see a disabled people in public is because public spaces are not built to include disabled people. There is definitely a cycle here. Public spaces are inaccessible. We don't see disabled people in spaces that are inaccessible. We assume disabled people don't go to public spaces. Public spaces stay inaccessible. Tangent over.

Laura 6:05

Other stereotypes like disabled people's lives are so pathetic. If you do encounter them in public, you should make sure they know you think it's amazing they ventured out of the house. Do not do this.

Laura 6:19

Rolling Explorer could have taken a moment to educate this mom on why calling her a superhero wasn't the vibe, but that's not her responsibility. She was just out living her life, and she doesn't have to stop what she's doing to give the mom of a disabled kid a clue if she doesn't want to. It's on the mom to seek out opportunities to learn about the disabled community, which, frankly, she should be doing anyway as the parent of a disabled child. Disabled people are not inspirations or superheroes, no matter how much the non-disabled public wants to cast us as such. We are people.

Laura 6:57 Laura 6:57