Episode 192: Vamping

Let's celebrate five years by discussing one of my favorite things: Vampires!

The Lost Boys' Tony Performance

The Lost Boys on Jimmy Fallon

Ali Louis Bourzgui's Tony's Acceptance Speech

Transcript

Laura 0:00

That's five years, baby.

Male VO 0:04

This is Bad Attitudes.

Laura 0:21

Hello, friends and strangers. Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes, an uninspiring podcast about disability. I'm your host, Laura.

Laura 0:31

You heard right, today's episode marks the five-year anniversary of Bad Attitudes. No singular shout out this week. Instead, I want to express my gratitude to everyone who listens regularly, anyone who has donated or become a member, anyone who has purchased from the merch store on Etsy, and all of the guests who have appeared or are waiting for me to get off my ass and email them. I'm sorry I'm so unorganized. Your support means the world to me.

Laura 1:02

When I followed this little whim five years ago, I never imagined it would continue this long. I thought I might have enough to say to make 30 episodes or so. But here we are, five years later, closing in on episode 200. And it's all because a few people have resonated with what I have to say and apparently want me to keep saying it. So I guess as long as I have an opinion, you'll have a podcast to listen to.

Laura 1:31

This week there's a giveaway happening on the Bad Attitudes Instagram account for one lucky listener to win some serious swag. If you don't use Instagram, no problem. Just shoot me an email for entry.

Laura 1:44

As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am not the only voice.

Laura 2:00

I want to take this opportunity to share with you my current obsession, The Lost Boys musical on Broadway. My level of obsession is a bit surprising considering I've never actually seen the show, and there's still about a month before the cast album even drops. All I've seen is what's available on YouTube. I'll link a couple of videos, and the Tony's performance. Also on YouTube. Yet obsessed I am, and have been since the first video I watched. Rockstar Vampires? Say less.

Laura 2:35

It's likely due in no small part to Ali Louis Bourzgui's performance as David. Tony Award well earned. And yes, I know he's much too young for the way I look at him, but his character is roughly a hundred years old, so I figure it all evens out in the morally gray wash.

Laura 2:53

Unlike my love of Superman, I can't pinpoint when exactly I fell for the vampire mythology. I know it was long before Twilight because that slop would have turned me off forever. If you know anything about me, it makes perfect sense that vampires and werewolves and all that's supernatural is right up my alley. I love magic and fantasy, and if you ever see me reading a standard contemporary novel, you best believe someone I really trust recommended it to me because I would not choose that myself.

Laura 3:25

Lots of people say they don't see the appeal of being a vampire, but it's pretty tempting. Live forever, never age, extremely strong and healthy. Sure, there are downsides, not being able to go out in the sun and the whole bloodlust thing top the con list, but overall it sounds pretty good.

Laura 3:46

I'll be really vulnerable here. One of my biggest fears is death. Not just the act of dying, but being dead. No longer existing, no longer thinking or experiencing. I don't want to watch everyone I love die either, but the idea of having infinite time to learn and perfect every skill I've ever wanted to learn, read every book, watch every movie, sounds good to me.

Laura 4:15

For the record, my other big fear is Alzheimer's disease. Although it goes back and forth as to whether I'm more afraid of getting it myself or of someone I love getting it.

Laura 4:25

But this isn't an episode about fears, it's an episode about vampires, which, at least by today's standards, are more sexy than scary. Or at least making it sexy to be scary. But what I want to know is, where does disability fit into the vampire mythology?

Laura 4:43

?Many vampire stories feature someone on the brink of death becoming a vampire to save their life. Any injuries a vampire sustains don't last very long, so we know that being or becoming a vampire is, by definition, healing. But where's the line?

Laura 5:02

If a vampire has a limb cut off, does it grow back? Probably not. If you have a spinal cord injury and become a vampire, can you walk again? Maybe. Does the length of time you've been paralyzed affect that? Probably. But what if you have a genetic condition like, oh, I don't know, osteogenesis imperfecta? Would becoming a vampire change my DNA?

Laura 5:30

I'm no scientist, but let's look at this as logically as possible. Vampires become incredibly strong. So in theory, my bones would be at least as strong as the average humans, but probably stronger, right? What other aspects of my OI would be affected? Would I get taller? That'd be nice. Would the bowing in my bones straighten out? Would my scoliosis correct? What would happen to all of the steel rods in my body? Would I be able to just pull them out and the wounds would heal? Would I still need a wheelchair? And if I do need a chair, will it hold up? Vampires have enhanced speed, so if I'm rolling around at a supernatural pace in a non-supernatural wheelchair, what does that mean mechanically? I have so many questions.

Laura 6:23

Also, have you noticed there are no fat vampires? Is drinking blood like a supernatural GLP1? Is it because you aren't taking in other calories? Or is it because your metabolism is super speed?

Laura 6:37

Look, I get it. From a media perspective, fat isn't sexy. Disabled isn't sexy, blah blah blah. But as someone who likes to believe in things that other people say can't possibly exist, I believe that somewhere out there is a sexy, fat, disabled vampire. Or maybe I'll be the first, who's to say?

Laura 6:58

I have a lot of the same questions regarding werewolves and disability. There is some precedent for disabled werewolves. One of the wolves in the wolf song series by TJ Clun is missing an arm or a hand. It's been a while since I read it, so I don't remember clearly. But if you are disabled and then become a werewolf, what does that mean for your disability? I need someone to explore this.

Laura 7:23

I am also totally up for late-night conversations that delve deep into this topic.

Laura 7:28

I think it's important to consider disability in fantasy because fantasy is one of the best genres for inclusion. It's fantasy. The rules are made up. It doesn't have to make sense in the real world, only in the created world. Think about the Fourth Wing series: a young woman with EDS flying on a dragon. Staunch believers in reality will tell you that's not possible, and not just because, you know, dragons. Lots of people will tell you that someone with a disability couldn't fly on dragons or fight or whatever, but why the fuck not?

Laura 8:05

I love seeing disabled representation in any context, but especially in the context of a fantasy world, because those are the worlds I want to live in. I want to soar atop a dragon. I want to sleep in a puppy pile of werewolves. I want to explore the night with vampires. As long as the vampires include Ali Louis Bourzgui, oh, and the Salvatore Brothers. For science.

Laura 8:34

Thanks for listening, and I'll talk to you in the next one.