Episode 191: Nunya

This opinion may be controversial, but ultimately, it's none of our business.

Transcript

Laura 0:00

You might be surprised by my take.

Male VO 0:04

This is Bad Attitudes.

Laura 0:20

Hello, friends and strangers. Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes, an uninspiring podcast about disability. I'm your host, Laura.

Laura 0:31

This week's supporter shout out goes to KillerPansy. Thank you for your continuing support.

Laura 0:36

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Laura 0:49

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Laura 1:05

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Laura 1:24

As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am not the only voice.

Laura 1:40

Yes, I've seen the headlines. Influencer couple terminates pregnancy due to Down syndrome. And to be clear, the headline is all I know. I don't know who the influencers are. I didn't bother looking into them. I don't really care. Influencers are not something I care about at all when you get down to it.

Laura 2:01

The long and short of it is this. If you believe, as I do, that women have the right to choose to end a pregnancy, and if you believe, as I do, that we should all have access to safe abortion care, you have to accept the fact that sometimes someone will use that right in a way you may not agree with. You also have to accept that if that is the case, it's not really any of your business.

Laura 2:28

I don't necessarily agree with someone choosing to terminate a pregnancy because a child might be born with a disability. I agree with that as much as I agree with the idea of terminating a pregnancy that might result in a gay or trans child. If you don't have the capacity to love and care for a child that strays outside the norm, you shouldn't be raising children at all. However, I believe it's a better option than neglecting or abusing any child with or without a disability.

Laura 3:00

The biggest mistake I believe these influencers made is sharing their decision with the public. They had to anticipate intense backlash. Abortion is a highly contentious issue in this country, and pairing it with their implied stance on disability, they might as well have raked themselves across the coals. In their position, I think I would have simply said that we had decided to end the pregnancy based on medical reasons. Just because you're a public figure doesn't mean you have to share everything.

Laura 3:33

Let's assume that they terminated their pregnancy only for the reason of potential disability. Let's assume there weren't any other mitigating factors, and they simply did not want to raise a disabled child.

Laura 3:47

What was the point?

Laura 3:50

Disability cannot be eradicated. There are conditions for which we don't yet have prenatal testing. Some conditions, like cerebral palsy, develop because of complications during the process of birth. And any number of accidents or illnesses can result in disability long after the child is born. And I saw at least a couple of individuals whose prenatal testing indicated their child would have Down syndrome have children without Down syndrome.

Laura 4:20

Even if we as a society required every pregnancy where disability was deemed likely be terminated, disabled people would still exist. But also, that's a terrifying speculative fiction novel waiting to happen.

Laura 4:36

What's dangerous about this is the rhetoric that comes from the pro-life side of the abortion discussion. This is exactly the kind of moment pro-lifers use to their advantage to manipulate disabled people into representing the pro-life movement, even if they may not agree with the tenets of the movement. There's plenty of evidence of this happening in the past. The disabled community, which often feels unseen, unheard, and outright ignored by people in power, is used as a prop by the pro-life movement. You, poor, pitiful disabled person, could have been aborted. We want to protect your right to life. If abortion were allowed, all disabled people would be aborted.

Laura 5:21

We know that's not true. Plenty of parents choose to continue with pregnancies even when prenatal testing indicates the possibility of disability, sometimes even against medical advice.

Laura 5:33

Moreover, if we had ever seen any evidence that prolifers care at all for disabled people or care for anyone past the point of birth, this tactic might be a little more believable. As it is, the vast majority of pro-lifers are actually just pro-birth. They want to make sure that fetuses make it into the world unscathed so that they can spend the next 50 to 100 years suffering under unlivable wages, little to no healthcare access, and no support whatsoever to ensure that the children they endeavor to see born grow up moderately well adjusted. And that's for the ones that are born perfectly normal. The ones who are born disabled or acquire disability later in life are even more screwed.

Laura 6:20

They take advantage of the fact that the disabled community is summarily overlooked by most people in power and use that to bolster their own message. The disabled individuals they trot out to support their message are tools to them, nothing more.

Laura 6:36

Of course, equally dangerous are the comments that say things like, good. And while they may well be trolls just looking to get a rise out of someone, it goes to show that what is really needed is more education and representation about not just Down syndrome, but all disabilities.

Laura 6:55

None of us has the right to pass judgment on someone's reason for choosing abortion. You either believe that we should have access to abortion health care or you don't. I don't have to like their reasoning. I'm even allowed to be angry at their reasoning. Ultimately, it is not my decision, but it is a decision I believe everyone should be allowed to make.

Laura 7:18

I want to reiterate one last point. Keeping in mind that I know nothing about these so-called influencers or their full reasoning for terminating their pregnancy. If you ever find yourself thinking, I could never raise a disabled child, you should not be a parent. If you doubt your ability to love and care for a child who does not meet your expectations in any way, you should not be a parent. If you think you couldn't raise a gay child or a trans child, an unathletic child or an unintelligent child, you should not be a parent. Your child is never going to be what you want or what you expect. They are going to be who they are.

Laura 8:02

My parents never made me feel like I wasn't living up to their expectations. Still, we can all assume they never expected to be handed a tiny baby girl with incredibly fragile bones who would need 10 major surgeries by the age of 15 and would use a wheelchair to get around. What they expected even less was my purple hair, my love of tattoos, and my predilection for using the word fuck like a comma.

Laura 8:30

Despite everything, like society and depression, I never truly felt unloved or unwanted. And if you can't give that to a child, you are not ready to be a parent.

Laura 8:43

Thanks for listening, and I'll talk to you in the next one.