Episode 183: Return to Innocence

I'm joined by singer-songwriter Katie Curtis who has epilepsy and muscular dystrophy to discuss her musical career and disability experiences.

Listen to Katie's music on Spotify

Follow Katie on Facebook

Transcript

Laura 0:00

Music can heal the soul.

Male VO 0:04

This is Bad Attitudes.

Laura 0:21

Hello, friends and strangers. Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes, an uninspiring podcast about disability. I'm your host, Laura.

Laura 0:32

This week's supporter shout out goes to Lisa Anaya. Thank you for your continuing support.

Laura 0:38

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Laura 0:52

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Laura 1:09

For questions, comments, or ideas, visit the website at badattitudespod.com. Email badattitudespod at gmail.com or reach out on social media. Follow at BadAttitudes Pod on Instagram, Facebook, Threads, and Blue Sky.

Laura 1:30

As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am not the only voice.

Laura 1:46

My guest today is a Catholic singer-songwriter with epilepsy and muscular dystrophy. She released her first album in 2020, and her most recent release is called Somewhere Between. You can listen to both and all her other music on Spotify, which I will link in the episode description. Thank you for joining me, Katie Curtis.

Katie Curtis 2:10

Awesome. Thank you for having me.

Laura 2:12

So um let's get started with what I call your disability journey, which is just tell me about your diagnosis and you know your life as a disabled person.

Katie Curtis 2:24

Sure. So um uh like like you said, I have muscular dystrophy and epilepsy, and um so I was born with muscular dystrophy, and um my parents started to figure that out when I was like at some point when you're a baby, you're supposed to be like learning to crawl and learning to walk, and I wasn't doing that, I was learning to talk.

Laura 2:49

So You were advanced.

Katie Curtis 2:52

Yes, I was advanced. So um they took me to the doctor, and they the doctor figured out that that I had muscular dystrophy, only there something went wrong with the diagnosis. And I don't really remember, I don't really know the the details of this, but they were convinced I was gonna die by the time I was three. So my mom prayed like a crazy person, and they eventually finally got the they finally got the diagnosis right. It's like, okay, she's probably gonna be normal, she's just not gonna walk. It's like that's pretty much what happened. So I get around on wheels and that's totally fine.

Katie Curtis 3:44

Um, but the epilepsy happened when I was about eight. And uh so I had a couple, you know, like grand mal grand mal, like really bad seizures when I was a kid. So again, like they took me to the doctor, figured that out, and um got me on some medicine that worked for a really long time. Like I had no seizures at all, like whatsoever, until my sophomore year of college, and it came back with a vengeance. Um, I had some really bad seizures, and I pretty much didn't sleep because of it um for like the entire like second half of my sophomore year. Like I would have a seizure, have to sleep it off, and then I would have, you know, homework, and uh, I was an English major, so I was

Laura 4:41

Oh hey, English majors!

Katie Curtis 4:44

Yeah, so um yeah, so I was doing a creative writing program because like I'm working on being a songwriter, so um, and I had this is just sort of a squirrel side note, but I had like the best poetry teacher, and he like this one teacher I took like every single class he offered, and um his his name was Mark Stevik, so like wherever he is, if he ever hears this, shout out to Mark Stevik, and um because he just taught me like the most brilliant ways of like how to the one rule that I've kept in my head from any of his classes is like say it without saying it. And I don't know why that has stuck with me so well, but that's just been like such uh like a core piece of my songwriting.

Katie Curtis 5:56

Anyway, uh eventually we over time we figured out how to not completely make the epilepsy go away, but like it's pretty much under control. I've had to just very recently switch doctors, and uh we're still like it's not perfect, but like it's tolerable, it's controllable. I have like small seas seizures. Um basically uh what happens is so like I'll just kind of space out for what like five seconds. But the weird thing is sometimes what happens is I lose the ability to to um use language, which is super weird because I can think perfectly clearly, but I can't talk. And if a person is talking to me, like I can't understand what they're saying, it's very strange.

Laura 7:01

And as a songwriter and someone who uses words, yeah, I can only imagine.

Katie Curtis 7:07

I'm like, I don't I there's something sort of like humor humorous about that. I don't know.

Laura 7:15

It's ironic, is what it is.

Katie Curtis 7:17

Yeah.

Laura 7:18

So how often would you say you have seizures now? Like you say it's tolerable, but you still have them.

Katie Curtis 7:25

Um, I mean so for a long time I was on I'm on like three different medications for this. Like, it's hard to control.

Laura 7:36

Right.

Katie Curtis 7:37

So for a while it was probably like twice a week, and then I switched medicines, and I was having a seizure like once a month. And then for whatever reason it's misbehaving again. So it's pretty frequent right now.

Laura 7:56

How long does it take you to recover from one of those seizures as opposed to the grand mal seizures?

Katie Curtis 8:03

It depends. Like if it's if it's not bad, it like 30 seconds, if that. But if it's bad, like half an hour.

Laura 8:15

But still you're not like having to sleep the whole day.

Katie Curtis 8:17

No, no, it's I I just need to honestly, like, I just need to eat some food, and then I'm probably fine.

Laura 8:24

Huh. Food fixes everything.

Katie Curtis 8:26

Yeah, food pretty much fixes everything.

Laura 8:30

Drink some water, have a snack, see if you're better. If you're not, then it's a problem.

Katie Curtis 8:35

Pretty much, yeah.

Laura 8:37

So, um, when you reached out to me, you were very specific about saying I'm a Catholic singer-songwriter.

Katie Curtis 8:44

Yes.

Laura 8:45

Um, so I don't know how much of the podcasts you have listened to. Um, I I don't consider myself religious. Okay. Um, but I am a believer. Okay. Um, I often say that um I think there is a difference between faith and religion. And religion is more of a man-made concept. It's a it's a thing that we have created to house our faith, I guess is the way to say it. So I'm I'm interested in talking to you about the religious aspect from the perspective of someone with disabilities.

Katie Curtis 9:24

Okay.

Laura 9:25

Because there is a historical precedent that religion has been quite dangerous for people with disabilities. Okay. You know, like I know historically a lot of times when you talk about exorcisms, um, they were actually people with something like epilepsy.

Katie Curtis 9:46

Sure.

Laura 9:46

And, you know, so I wonder, have you experienced anything like that? I know you said that you have a good parish and you're very happy in your faith relationship, and I think that's great.

Katie Curtis 9:59

Yeah.

Laura 9:59

So I just wonder, um, in leading up to that, you know, to finding that good place, did you experience any sort of religious-based ableism?

Katie Curtis 10:08

No, never. Um, so I've pretty much I've only ever belonged to one parish, and like they've only ever been completely amazing. And honestly, um, especially now that I'm part of the music ministry, like they don't see the wheels. Like, they don't see my epilepsy, like they just they just know me as like the alto singer who puts harmony on things.

Laura 10:40

That's I mean, that's awesome because that's not a lot of people's experience. So one of my pet peeves with the religious community is the people who are like, Can I pray for you? You know, because they s and in this in the sense of they are approaching you without context, without knowing you. Not like I know you and something is going on and I care about you and I want to pray for you. It's very much a I see you, you look different, there's something wrong with that. I need to do something to quote fix it. I mean, how do you feel about because there are people with disabilities who have experienced total strangers approaching them in public and going, can I pray for you? without any context to their life or anything. I mean, how do you feel about that? Just generally.

Katie Curtis 11:36

Honestly, I appreciate anyone praying for me for any reason. Like, I if they they don't know me, they don't know my context. Uh I just I'm for whatever reason, I the Lord has allowed me to have these particular struggles, and that's I don't understand why, but I trust him. And um, so I mean, if a person wants to pray for me, I I think honestly, I think like the their hearts in the right place. I really do think so, for the most part.

Laura 12:16

I mean that's a fair that's a fair assessment. Um I don't I don't think people ever do it necessarily with bad intentions.

Katie Curtis 12:23

No.

Laura 12:24

I think maybe their intentions might be misplaced sometimes.

Katie Curtis 12:27

Yeah.

Laura 12:28

Because they think that because they see a disability, they're like automatically your life is the worst life ever. Which, you know, is not true.

Katie Curtis 12:38

No.

Laura 12:38

And um, so I I think that's interesting. How did you get well let's let's start how did you get into music just generally?

Katie Curtis 12:48

Well, so just like any teenager, when I was 14, I wanted to write songs. I wanted to be, you know, a famous rock star.

Laura 12:58

Yeah.

Katie Curtis 12:59

Because I was 14. And um, so I started uh just for context, I wasn't really so I was baptized when I was a kid, but I was agnostic up until my freshman year of college.

Laura 13:16

Okay.

Katie Curtis 13:17

So I was writing just, you know, whatever songs, like teenager songs about anything.

Laura 13:23

Right.

Katie Curtis 13:24

And then I heard um I ended up going to Gordon College um because I was going to have to uh commute to college. I wasn't gonna be able to stay there because it would just be far too complicated. And uh so I went to Gordon partly because it was just within driving distance, but the main reason was because so Gordon is an evangelical Christian school. Okay, and when I visited there, it was in September of my senior year of high school. And when I so when I visited, there were students there, and everyone there who I talked to, interacted with, whatever, everyone was like incredibly happy, and I wasn't, and I was like, clearly, everyone here has something that I don't, and whatever it is, I want it. So I applied to Gordon and ended up getting in. And it was there that I heard like actually good Christian music for the first time.

Laura 14:47

I love that you're like, it's actually good. Like you're acknowledging that sometimes Christian music is it's

Katie Curtis 14:54

yeah, there's I like I freely admit there is Christian music that is not good.

Laura 15:00

Right.

Katie Curtis 15:02

But so I s and and it was all students who were doing it. Um, and I was like, oh my gosh, I want to do this. So I started, I decided to pray for the first time. Like, really actually like give God a chance for the first time. And I was under the impression at the time that in order to be 100% happy, you had to be married. I had that idea in my head because my parents have an awesome marriage.

Laura 15:41

Right.

Katie Curtis 15:42

So I had it in my head that to be happy, you had to be married. But I also because I was bullied as a kid, I also had it in my head that because I was disabled, I was like undesirable. So I was like obsessively praying that the Lord would help me find, you know, my eventual boyfriend then husband. And I so I just prayed like every single day for that one particular thing. And after two months, I had an experience where I just felt the Lord's presence like it's hard to describe, even because it was just like the most intense feeling of like peace and love. And very clearly I could tell he was saying, like, you don't need a guy, you need me. And ever since then, I've like I've just known that um my heart belongs only to the Lord, and that was when I started writing Christian music, and I started writing Christian music, um, I wrote I wrote Christian music all through my college education, um, but I stopped when I graduated because I didn't think music could be like a reasonable thing to pursue because like I can't travel, I don't have a band, and actually, so the funny thing about that is I don't have a band. I have a partner, and um he owns a music studio, and he's a completely wonderful person, and he plays guitar, bass, and drums, so we just like so I'll write a song, I'll present it to him, and we'll just like build a song up from nothing, but like I don't have a band and I can't travel on my own, so like I can't perform. So I just thought that would be like a completely unreasonable career. And the funny, the really funny thing about this is like when I graduated, like I'm any normal person, I started looking for a job. And after not that long, maybe like two weeks, my mom was like, Stop looking for a job. You're you've always had like an amazing imagination, you love fantasy stories, write a book. So, like this is such like an uncanny thing. You wouldn't expect a normal normal parent to encourage like no, my parents were very much like find a job. Yeah, so I was like, okay, I'll try try and write a book. But the thing about that is to write like to write a story and and especially to write a good fantasy story, you have to be organized. I am not an organized person. So I tried for three years to write a book, and this entire time, like I was working on it, I s was really careful to like try and build this thing, but I I got a writer's block, and the entire time I could tell that the Lord wanted me to make music for him. Like it wasn't just something I enjoyed doing, like it was a calling. I eventually just called my partner and I was like, hey, we need can we like start working on this? And that was in we started working in 2028, uh 2018 rather. 2028 hasn't happened yet. Yeah.

Laura 20:02

Um and at the rate we're going, it might not, who knows?

Katie Curtis 20:06

And um, but yeah, I've just been making music since then, and my parents are like, yes, pursue, pursue your art career, like make music. So that's what I've been doing.

Laura 20:19

That's really awesome that they're so supportive of a non-traditional path.

Katie Curtis 20:26

Yeah.

Laura 20:26

I mean, my parents have also been really supportive, like, yeah, when I left college, they were like, you need to find a job, you need to, but it wasn't, you know, it wasn't like the like the so-called tiger moms and stuff who are like, you need to find this job. Um, and they've been really supportive when I started my business, um, when I started this podcast, they've been very supportive. So that's I understand how uh valuable that is.

Katie Curtis 20:55

Yeah.

Laura 20:56

And also I understand it's freaking hard to write a book.

Katie Curtis 21:00

Yeah, it's not easy.

Laura 21:03

Like people have been telling me pretty much my whole life, you should write a book. I'm like, you first.

Katie Curtis 21:10

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's complicated, yeah.

Laura 21:14

I'm I'm interested in knowing were you raised? Okay, were you raised in the church? Because you said you were agnostic, but you say you've always belonged to the same parish. I'm just curious if you were like if your parents were in the church and you sort of went along with it.

Katie Curtis 21:31

We weren't like the most religious family. I went I was like a lot of kids, I went through religious education and received the sacraments. But particularly for me, I had trouble dealing, like I was like anybody who suffers. Like I had the problem of evil like right. On top of me. And I mean, as an eight-year-old, you don't know how to ask, like, why does a good God allow suffering?

Laura 22:08

Right.

Katie Curtis 22:09

Um, so I was agnostic until I had that really like intense experience my freshman year.

Laura 22:19

So I think there is a lot when you're disabled. There are moments where you're sort of like, why me? Why is this happening to me? Yeah. Um, and I don't think and I think those moments are valid. Like, yeah. I don't think they should be ignored.

Katie Curtis 22:37

I don't think No, of course not.

Laura 22:40

And I I I certainly don't think anyone should say, well, so many other people have it worse. Like, that's not helpful. That doesn't help.

Katie Curtis 22:47

No.

Laura 22:49

So I'm I'm interested, how do you deal with those moments? I mean, do you still have those moments? Is that something that's you know not an issue anymore? How do you deal with that?

Katie Curtis 23:03

So I actually the I've kind of worked my way through it. And so as in the Catholic Church, there's this concept call um of redemptive suffering. And so we understand that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross is what rescues us from sin. And ultimately, like at the very end of time, there will be no more suffering or anything. Uh, no more war, like it'll everything will be completely fixed. But so this idea of redemptive suffering is that I can unite my suffering to his suffering, and essentially like help people, help other people overcome their own difficulties, help them come to conversion. Because, like, ultimately, as a Catholic, like, I do believe that the Catholic Church is like was established by Jesus, and that is where ultimately the truth is. Um and so like I like I I want people to be Catholic. I want people to love the Lord. Like that's what I want. I want people to love the Lord.

Laura 24:41

Okay. Even if they're not Catholic.

Katie Curtis 24:44

Right. Yeah, and actually my partner is not Catholic.

Laura 24:48

Okay.

Katie Curtis 24:49

Uh no, he belongs to like uh evangelical church.

Laura 24:54

Okay. That's c ool.

Katie Curtis 24:55

So I'm perfectly happy working with anybody.

Laura 25:00

One of the common themes um in religion, yeah, that I sort of disagree with is this concept. Um well, I won't say I disagree with it. Let me let me let me start over. When people say to me your body will be whole in heaven.

Katie Curtis 25:23

Yeah.

Laura 25:24

That really irks me in a way. Because I f even though I know that's not their intent, it definitely um feels like you're saying I'm not a whole person.

Katie Curtis 25:42

Okay.

Laura 25:43

Because, you know, my body isn't what you think it should be. Um, and one of my favorite shows that sort of deals with this right now is Good Omens. Have you watched it?

Katie Curtis 25:55

I've not.

Laura 25:56

Okay, well, one of the angels is played by a disabled woman.

Katie Curtis 26:01

Okay.

Laura 26:02

She uses a wheelchair and she is shown in heaven using a wheelchair.

Katie Curtis 26:07

Yeah.

Laura 26:07

And like I thought that was really profound because uh what if you know uh uh uh going to heaven doesn't mean uh uh your body becomes this you know, this idea of normal. What if it uh is still a disabled body, but heaven is that everything is accessible. Do you see what I'm saying? I know it's a little it's a little convoluted.

Katie Curtis 26:39

I see what you're saying, but that's just not how I see it.

Laura 26:45

Okay. I mean that's fair.

Katie Curtis 26:47

Yeah.

Laura 26:48

Can you expand on what you what your perspective is?

Katie Curtis 26:53

Yeah, I mean, um I personally don't feel like my body is the way it's supposed to be.

Laura 27:05

Okay.

Katie Curtis 27:06

Um, like I have a lot of medical issues, and I do believe that when I go to heaven I won't have those medical issues. I'll be I will be healed, essentially.

Laura 27:24

Okay. And I I see what you're saying. And I agree that when you get to heaven, this idea is you know, that you won't have pain anymore, and you won't have the issues that come with being disabled. And I and I I agree with that. Like I think I think what I'm I'm trying to say is like there is this misconception that the only way to be a whole person and this isn't strictly in religious settings, this is everybody is that there's only one way to be normal. And like there's only one way to be in a body. There's only one good way to be in a body, more specifically.

Katie Curtis 28:20

Yeah, I mean gen generally speaking, I would agree with you.

Laura 28:24

Okay.

Katie Curtis 28:24

Yeah.

Laura 28:26

Yeah.

Katie Curtis 28:26

Cause I I think that's like like just like define define normal.

Laura 28:30

Like Yeah, seriously. Um because I I there's a lot of talk around the disabled community.

Katie Curtis 28:44

Um with the I'm gonna stop you there.

Laura 28:46

Okay.

Katie Curtis 28:47

So the the this is one of the this is a little thing that kind of irks me.

Laura 28:53

Sure.

Katie Curtis 28:54

Is the idea of like this of this disabled community. Like the idea of the community bugs me. Because I've never seen myself as part of like a disabled community. Like my community has always been my friends or my church or whatever. Like I've never like my the only disability I've experienced, like, beyond my own, is that a couple of my friends have had like mental health issues. So the idea of like this I don't like being lumped into like what people what a lot of people call a disabled community. It's like that's not my community. Like I'm not I don't want to be lumped with people I don't even know, you know what I mean?

Laura 30:05

I mean, I understand that. Um I think there's a personal definition of community, which is what you're um talking about.

Katie Curtis 30:14

Yeah.

Laura 30:15

But then there's also the more global sense of these people and I share a common experience, even if I don't know them. And that's what I think the disability community is. It's not necessarily the people you surround yourself with, but it's you're connected in a way that maybe you aren't with the people in your personal community. Because if they've never experienced disability, there's you know, no matter how connected you are, no matter how caring they are, there is still a little bit of a disconnect because they simply just they have not had that experience.

Katie Curtis 31:00

Yeah.

Laura 31:02

So when you say you're part of the disability community, it's like saying that uh that you acknowledge that there are these other people who have had similar experiences to you who understand more thoroughly the disabled experience than sort of the people in your circle. See what I'm saying?

Katie Curtis 31:25

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Laura 31:27

Because I mean, there I have my personal circle and most of most of the people in it really didn't experience disability in any way until they met me.

Katie Curtis 31:39

Yeah.

Laura 31:40

Um, but I also when I meet someone who is disabled, even if we're like not friend, like, you know, because I don't I don't think you can build friendship on the fact that you're both disabled.

Katie Curtis 31:54

Like that's no, and uh the funny thing about that is uh some random program tried to like make make me friends with so there was this girl from another school, and she was just having trouble making friends, and it's just like, oh hey, we happen to know this other girl who uses a wheelchair from this other school, so like let's just try and manufacture a friendship here, and it's just like we had absolutely nothing in common. I'm like, let's not do this.

Laura 32:33

Yeah, hey, I know. So, do you know so and so who uses a wheelchair who is, you know, 40 years older than you, runs it an entire no, there's not a club, like no, it's doesn't work that way. No, there's not a club, so like that's what I mean when I say the disability community. It's this sort of overarching.

Katie Curtis 32:55

Yeah, I think I just had that like yucky experience.

Laura 32:59

So totally fair, like I mean, so so that's totally fair. I forgot my point, but that's that's okay. So you mentioned um part of the problem or part of the challenge with being a musician is you can't travel.

Katie Curtis 33:17

Yeah.

Laura 33:18

And now you don't have a band, is that

Katie Curtis 33:22

I do not have a band.

Laura 33:23

So is that just because you haven't formed a band, or is there some other challenge that comes with like I don't know anything about forming a band?

Katie Curtis 33:32

I mean, the short answer is no, I just haven't formed a band. But like part of the difficulty of that is for a little while, like part of my hesitation with trying performing, trying to perform, was that my seizures were like pretty unpredictable. Like they're much more predictable now. Um so I just I stopped like trying to do open mics and whatever because like I just was too nervous about it. But the it's just hard to form a band, to be honest. Like wheels or no wheels, like um, I just don't know other musicians who are immediately looking to start like taking up my like I have more than three albums completed, and so at this point it would just be difficult to get a band together who it's like, here I have this giant pile of songs, learn these songs for me.

Laura 34:50

Yeah.

Katie Curtis 34:50

So like it's just it would it would just be complicated and like difficult at this point.

Laura 34:58

That makes sense. I mean, and plus I feel like in forming a band, like each member has a different goal.

Katie Curtis 35:04

Right.

Laura 35:05

You know, maybe that maybe that band is their end goal, maybe they see it as a stepping stone.

Katie Curtis 35:11

Yeah.

Laura 35:12

Um, so I I can definitely see the challenges. So do you perform you said you're part of uh the music ministry at your church.

Katie Curtis 35:22

Yes.

Laura 35:23

So I assume you perform in the church.

Katie Curtis 35:26

Yes, I do.

Laura 35:27

Do you perform anywhere else? Like around your town or

Katie Curtis 35:31

We uh with the worship band, we've done a couple a few like smaller shows outside of like outside of worship. Um but other than that, like it's not my original music, it's you know the worship band's music. So I have kind of like two different things going on.

Laura 35:55

Right.

Katie Curtis 35:57

But um we actually the funny thing about that is um, or not really funny, but just fun thing about that, is um I ended up I joined the music ministry in 2021. And the reason for that was because I had written a song called Innocence, and so I had the idea with Innocence to just reach out to like every church in the Arch, every Catholic church in the Archdiocese of Boston, and I'm like, hey, I've written this song about the Eucharist, and like I just want to let you know that you can use it in whatever way you want. And the crazy thing about that is and they didn't like this, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I'm disabled, it just has everything to do with the fact that I'm like a no-name artist.

Laura 37:11

Right.

Katie Curtis 37:12

But the only church, the only parish I heard back from was my own. And I wasn't part of the music ministry at that point, but the guy who's in charge of the worship band, he's like, I want to steal your song, and I want you to be part of the music ministry. So, like, we actually have used one of my original songs.

Laura 37:35

Oh, that's awesome.

Katie Curtis 37:37

Yeah.

Laura 37:37

So do you perform anywhere like just you? Like like you said, you um were doing open mics until your seizures became unpredictable.

Katie Curtis 37:46

And on my own, I haven't in a very long time now.

Laura 37:50

Do you is that something you want to do again, or are you content where you are?

Katie Curtis 37:57

I'm I'm I mean I don't know.

Laura 38:02

I think both things can be true.

Katie Curtis 38:05

Yeah, like I'm I'm I'm very content the way I am, and to be honest, like I'm kind of an introvert.

Laura 38:13

Same.

Katie Curtis 38:14

I don't get stage fright, but like I'm just kind of a lurker, and I'm content to have my presence be on the internet.

Laura 38:23

Yeah, I get that, I get that. So how do you so you mentioned you were reaching out to a lot of podcasts?

Katie Curtis 38:30

Yes.

Laura 38:30

Um, how how do you promote your music?

Katie Curtis 38:34

Uh so kind of three different I've tried three different things. So one thing is I do a lot of social media um promotion, so I have this huge big list of um like different Facebook groups where you can promote your art or promote your music. So I post stuff there. I've reached out to a bunch of different podcasts, and one thing I did is I'll admit I kind of consider this cheating a little bit, but I very recently reached out to a program that like if you pay them a little money, they'll help you get on like uh Spotify playlists. So like I'm like, alright, that kind of feels like cheating, but I mean, like, it got me a bunch of listeners, so yeah. I'll cheat a little.

Laura 39:35

I mean, if you're just starting out, you've got to

Katie Curtis 39:39

you gotta cheat a little, yeah.

Laura 39:41

You gotta figure it out, you know. Um yeah. So this question I'm gonna ask.

Katie Curtis 39:46

Sure.

Laura 39:46

Because this is something I deal with.

Katie Curtis 39:49

Yeah.

Laura 39:49

Um, as a creator.

Katie Curtis 39:51

Okay.

Laura 39:52

Do you ever worry that the positive feedback you get is because you're disabled?

Katie Curtis 40:02

No.

Laura 40:03

Okay.

Katie Curtis 40:04

Most people like uh the people most of the time because my presence is really only online, like, people don't know I'm disabled.

Laura 40:15

Okay. That's really good, because I don't uh it it is more of a in-person thing. Like, because obviously if people look at me, they know I'm disabled. Um so yeah, some so sometimes I do find that to be a bit of a confidence thing. Where I'm just like, do they like this because they like it? Or is it pity? Or is it some weird combination?

Katie Curtis 40:40

No, I mean like most of the time people don't like on occasion I'll like it'll come up because for any number of reasons, but like people mostly don't know.

Laura 40:54

So how how does your or does your disability influence your music? Like, do you is I know you're writing Christian music, so obviously you're writing about God and religion and you know prayer and whatnot. Does it ever come up in your writing?

Katie Curtis 41:12

I would say indirectly. Um so very recently for my most recent album, I wrote a song called Gethsemane. And um, are you familiar with that? The Agony in the Garden.

Laura 41:33

Is that the oh yeah, the Lord why have you forsaken me that bit when he's in the garden?

Katie Curtis 41:40

Yeah.

Laura 41:41

Okay.

Katie Curtis 41:42

Yeah. So um get's Gethsemane is I wrote that song because there was I heard a song on some random playlist, and this is just kind of like this will be revealing a little bit about my I have a bit of a bitey personality sometimes. So I heard this song that made me mad.

Laura 42:10

Yeah.

Katie Curtis 42:11

And so I can relate to that, and the song was basically like I don't remember the name of the song, I don't remember the artist, I don't know the playlist. Doesn't matter, it made me mad. So, because the idea of the song was that there was a woman who prayed because she was going through a difficult time. And according to the writer of the song, this was a giant waste of time, and that was all I needed to hear to make me really mad.

Laura 42:49

Obviously, this was not a Christian song.

Katie Curtis 42:52

This was not a Christian song. No, I'm guessing so I I wrote Gethsemane because I'm like a lot of times, like a lot of times, the Lord can He will allow a bad thing to happen in order to bring about something better. So there's that. And a lot of times, like even if I'm going through something difficult, I know he's with me and he's strengthening me through whatever that difficult thing is. So I'm like, even if he doesn't take the problem away, he helps me through the problem.

Laura 43:38

Right.

Katie Curtis 43:39

I was I was just gonna say, like, so indirectly, I would say my indirect my um disability sometimes influences my songwriting.

Laura 43:50

Okay, yeah, I was just gonna say that um I think one of the most powerful things people say about prayer is that sometimes the Answer is no.

Katie Curtis 44:01

Yeah.

Laura 44:02

And and I think I think that's really worth mentioning because I think there are some people who are religious and but they think prayer is like a wish list.

Katie Curtis 44:15

Right. And or like a vending machine. It's like, no, that's not that's not how a real relationship works.

Laura 44:23

Right. That's interesting. And I and I think it's interesting that your disability the way it I I think it's interesting the way it plays into your writing, and even though it's not direct, I think that's really important. Um because I mean I spent a long time um sort of trying to identify as separate from my disability.

Katie Curtis 44:53

Sure.

Laura 44:53

Without really recognizing how it impacted all areas of my development.

Katie Curtis 45:00

Uh-huh.

Laura 45:00

Um, growing up disabled. I was very much like, I am this person I who happens to be disabled.

Katie Curtis 45:08

Yeah.

Laura 45:09

As opposed to being, I am a disabled person. Um and that's something that's really not completely changed, it's still a work in progress. Um so it it it's interesting because it does influence pretty much everything we do.

Katie Curtis 45:26

Like it it it's I mean like it it has to, like it's bound to.

Laura 45:31

Yeah. So if there was one of your songs, yes, and only only one that you could ask people to go listen to, which one would it be, do you think? I know this is a hard question.

Katie Curtis 45:46

That is a really hard question. Um I think so right now my most popular song is When It Hurts the Most. And I would love for people to listen to that. But I would I my favorite that I've ever written is probably Innocence. So if if you can only listen to one song, listen to Innocence.

Laura 46:17

Okay. Now, a slightly different way of asking that. Okay. And just to see if your answer changes. What is the song that you feel is most representative of you? As a person, as a songwriter, as a Catholic, however you want to define it.

Katie Curtis 46:40

Uh right now I think Good morning.

Laura 46:45

Okay.

Katie Curtis 46:46

It's my it's the last song on Somewhere Between. And it's just like it's a nice, happy song, and I love it, and it makes me smile.

Laura 46:59

Well, that's I mean, that's a great that's a great reason. Like, um, that's really good. Like, because I as an artist myself, I think like I I know that like if I asked you that question next week, it would change.

Katie Curtis 47:14

Yeah, absolutely.

Laura 47:16

Like it'd be like, well, actually today I feel like this song. Yeah. So I think that's really good because I want people to, you know, who don't have a lot of time and they're just like, hey, let me go check this girl out, let me see what she does. Yeah, I feel like asking the artist, okay, what's the one thing like if anybody could listen to anything, what would you have them listen to? Yeah.

Katie Curtis 47:38

So I think that's good. So listen to good morning, because it's happy and it makes me smile.

Laura 47:43

Okay. So we change that answer.

Katie Curtis 47:46

Yeah, we'll change my answer.

Laura 47:48

Okay. And in five minutes, she'll change it again. I understand.

Katie Curtis 47:50

Yeah, pretty much.

Laura 47:51

Pretty much. Yeah. Well, this has been really interesting. I've really enjoyed it.

Katie Curtis 47:56

Yeah, definitely.

Laura 47:58

Do you have any social media platforms or do you just want people to go to your Spotify?

Katie Curtis 48:05

Um, so I do have uh a Facebook page. It's Katie Curtis Music.

Laura 48:11

Okay.

Katie Curtis 48:12

And you'll find like a picture of a black butterfly on a blue flower. That's how you'll find it. Yep.

Laura 48:19

And I'll link to all that in um I'll link to it in the episode notes, and I'll also put it um when I do my social media post so everybody will be able to find you. Um and you're so and you're on Spotify as well. Are you on any other music platforms?

Katie Curtis 48:35

I'm on all of all of them, actually.

Laura 48:37

All of them? Okay. I just I just know there's so many.

Katie Curtis 48:42

Right. Yeah.

Laura 48:43

There's so many. Okay, well, thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming on and doing this. Um, and I hope you get a lot of listens.

Katie Curtis 48:52

Yeah, great. Thank you.

Laura 48:54

Thanks for listening, and I will talk to you in the next one.